If I’m an uber-wealthy person right now, you know what I want?

I want massive regulations on whatever industry I’m in because my big business can absorb it and just raise prices, but it will drive the little guy out of business. It’s simple math – if the government requires every widget manufacturer to spend $50,000 on a widget disgronifier, a small widget company that only grosses a few hundred thousand dollars a year will be put out of business, but I can buy it without batting an eye. Then once the small guy is out of business, I’ll double prices and blame (rolls the dice) an earthquake in Asia or (rolls the dice) the South American stock market.

I want the government to raise taxes on all income over $1 million such that an accumulation of wealth is impossible. I’ve made my billions and don’t need any more income. I’m one of the richest (and therefore most powerful) people in the country and so I want to slam the door behind me. My power will never be challenged if it is impossible to ever accumulate as much money as I have.

I want capital gains taxes raised through the roof. If small startups can’t get venture capital money, then I never need to worry about someone competing with me.

And all the while, I get to propose these things and sound compassionate because I’m somehow on the side of the little guy. So keep on voting for Democrats and confiscatory taxes on the upper middle class – I’ll just stay uber-wealthy. If you’re a member of occupy this that, and the other, and you want higher taxes and bigger government, you’re doing nothing but giving the people you hate exactly what they want.

Photo credit: Tracy Olson